Ya Gotta Laugh

This morning I stopped in the local gas station to fill up my tank. Unfortunately I put in the wrong zip code for my credit card and I had to go inside to order some gas. I bought $20 worth. When I put the nozzle into the tank and pushed the "start" button nothing happened. To make a long story short, the attendant negated my $20 purchase and then reentered it on my credit card. Once again the pump did not start.

I was very angry by this time and waved the attendant to come outside (again). He tried pushing the button without luck. "I can't figure this out," he said. Then I saw a gleam in his eye. "I see. You are trying to use the Supreme gas nozzle!" I had ordered the regular gas. I'm glad I didn't make too much of a scene as the egg was on MY face, for sure.

By the way, the gas was $3.79 per gallon here in California.

Where is your wife?
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside ?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.

Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped !"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer !

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster ! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?" the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He was feeling pretty good until he looked in his mirror and saw the old man gaining on him AGAIN !

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,

"I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?"

The old man whispers,

"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror ."